Today started off just fine. We scurried around, got out the door to get Jonathan to school on time...then I came back home to work on my new business (more about that later) until time to run back to school in time to get a good seat for Jonathan's Christmas Program at Mother's Day Out. Keith and MeMe and Pop came for the program, which was great. Jonathan behaved himself on stage, even though he never once opened his mouth to sing. (And I KNOW he knows the songs... he's been singing them around here-sometimes at the top of his lungs-for a month now!) Then, Keith went to run some errands and make hospital visits, Pop ran a Christmas errand, and MeMe and I brought Jonathan home for a much-needed (but not much-wanted) nap.
Now, I know some of you think I should just give up on naptime, since it seems like we fight about it more than we don't. But the problem is that he physically isn't ready to forgo the nap yet. If he does, life is miserable for all of us from about 5pm till he finally gives it up and goes to sleep several hours later. So, in the interest of a happy life for all of us, and my own personal sanity, I still make him nap. Today, that's when it all started going downhill.
He did the customary getting up a few times and getting in trouble, but finally settled down. Pop came home, so MeMe and I decided to let Pop stay home with him while we went Christmas shopping. The plan was for all of us to meet at a favorite restaurant about 5:30, eat dinner, and then to to Zoolight Safari and see the Christmas lights-if it wasn't raining. MeMe and I had a fun time running around for a couple of hours, and got to the restaurant ahead of everyone else. That's when we got the call from Pop. Apparently, Jonathan had been acting the fool since being awakened from his nap at the prescribed time of 4pm. He had just turned over a large (beautiful) torchierre lamp that had been a gift several years prior and broken the large glass globe on it to smitherines.
To make a long story short, MeMe and I ran out of the restaurant and headed home, and Keith turned around as he was heading into the parking lot and headed that way too. Apparently, the broken torchierre lamp was not the only item he tried to destroy. I'm too embarrassed to even go into how horrible he had acted and what all he had done while Pop was the only one here. Let's just suffice it to say that he hit an all-time low in behavior this afternoon, and seemed to think it was funny, according to Pop.
Now, let me clarify. First of all, Keith and I love Jonathan more than we can even express. Because we love him, we tend to be pretty strict on him. Our philosophy is that if we administer proper discipline now and are strict now, hopefully we are laying the groundwork for the rest of his life. Hopefully, by the time he's a teenager we will not be trying to "get a handle' on him and throwing our hands in the air in dismay that he is disobedient and disrespectful. We do not let him "get away" with poor behavior, and probably tend to err on the side of being too strict rather than too lenient. Second, Keith and I love Jonathan and express that love to him constantly in words, affection, and time spent with him. There is a lot of love and laughter in our home on a regular basis.
Tonight, however, there was no laughing. Tonight, Jonathan apparently decided to see if he could outlast us in a battle of the wills. By the time we put him to bed, I was completely emotionally drained. And spiritually dismayed. Seeing how stubborn and disobedient my child is made me realize (once again) my own disobedience and rebellion against God. It's good to realize our own sinfulness...but it is far from pleasant. In realizing our own sinfulness, we realize God's holiness. And in begging God to give wisdom in how to discipline our children with love, we realize how loving and merciful He is to us every minute of every day.
I was in tears as I dried Jonathan's hair tonight. Tears because of my frustration over his choosing defiance over obedience. Tears over my inadequacies as a parent to know how to show him how important it is to choose right from wrong, obedience to authority over selfish pleasures, and to communicate how horrible he was and how much I still love him despite his behavior. More importantly, though, were the tears because the woman I saw in the mirror was (IS) so horribly sinful...stubborn and selfish...miserably wretched...and how much God continually loves me and guides me with his gently, merciful Spirit.
As I put Jonathan to bed, I told him how much I loved him, but how very disappointed I was in him. My voice broke and the tears burned again in my eyes as I laid him in his bed and tucked him in. "Mommy, you sad?" he said quietly, with concern. "Yes, I'm very sad about the way you have behaved tonight." With trembling voice, he replied, "Sorry, Mommy. Don't be sad..." It's what I want to say to God.
Tomorrow is another day...hopefully a better one. Thankfully, because of Christ and His death and resurrection, I can have that hope.
The Rays
PCB trip -September 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Another Minivan In the Car Line
So, I know it's been a long time since my last post... Sorry. life has been a little crazy here. (Plus, our wireless router has had issues...) Anyway, I'm back!
I'm now a full-time stay at home mom, which as been my Dream career for years. It's fantastic! I love it! Even when I'm cleaning toilets, answering "why?" for the 100th time, or listening to whiny-ness, I love it! Jonathan started Mothers Day Out this week. I love that he is at a place I trust-biblically, as well as just caring for his needs and teaching him basic things. His first day, he walked right in to his classroom and started coloring. Even as I walked away with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I was thankful that he had come so far as a little person, and that he wasn't the poor child sobbing underneath the table!
Today, as I drove away, I saw lots of mini-vans in the parking lot and more coming down the street to drop off their precious cargo at MDO, and I had tears I my eyes again. But this time it was for a different reason. This time, it was thankfulness and awe at what God has done in my life. You see, I have dreamed of being a minivan kinda mom for so long, and wondered so many times if it would ever happen. After losing three precious babies before I ever got to hold them, I wondered if I would ever have the joy of children. After working outside the home for so long, I wondered if I would ever have the opportunity to spend my days cleaning house, chasing after my sweet son, and getting dinner on the table most nights. I longed to play at the playground on a weekday morning, be able to have a girls night out without feeling guilty, and, yes, drive around getting groceries in a minivan. Now, before you begin to think this is an endorsement for a car manufacturer, please realize that it's not the vehicle, but what it symbolizes. (Although, I have to say that I do love the convenience and comfort of my
minivan...)
And so, as I look ahead to exciting possibilities God has in our future, I am thankful, oh SO thankful, to be another minivan mom in the car line.
I'm now a full-time stay at home mom, which as been my Dream career for years. It's fantastic! I love it! Even when I'm cleaning toilets, answering "why?" for the 100th time, or listening to whiny-ness, I love it! Jonathan started Mothers Day Out this week. I love that he is at a place I trust-biblically, as well as just caring for his needs and teaching him basic things. His first day, he walked right in to his classroom and started coloring. Even as I walked away with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I was thankful that he had come so far as a little person, and that he wasn't the poor child sobbing underneath the table!
Today, as I drove away, I saw lots of mini-vans in the parking lot and more coming down the street to drop off their precious cargo at MDO, and I had tears I my eyes again. But this time it was for a different reason. This time, it was thankfulness and awe at what God has done in my life. You see, I have dreamed of being a minivan kinda mom for so long, and wondered so many times if it would ever happen. After losing three precious babies before I ever got to hold them, I wondered if I would ever have the joy of children. After working outside the home for so long, I wondered if I would ever have the opportunity to spend my days cleaning house, chasing after my sweet son, and getting dinner on the table most nights. I longed to play at the playground on a weekday morning, be able to have a girls night out without feeling guilty, and, yes, drive around getting groceries in a minivan. Now, before you begin to think this is an endorsement for a car manufacturer, please realize that it's not the vehicle, but what it symbolizes. (Although, I have to say that I do love the convenience and comfort of my
minivan...)
And so, as I look ahead to exciting possibilities God has in our future, I am thankful, oh SO thankful, to be another minivan mom in the car line.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Blessings of a Mud Puddle
I'm sure that those of you who know me well are totally intrigued by the title of this post. I don't like to be dirty. I take two showers a day and NEVER put Jonathan to bed without a bath. I never made mud pies as a child. In fact, I have always hated for my hands to be dirty. But, yesterday I began to feel a just a little differently about dirt.
Now, first of all, you need to understand something about our son, Jonathan. Because of health issues, he couldn't be around other children for his first two years of life. Then, until recently, he simply hasn't had much opportunity to be around other children on a regular basis. Jonathan is not afraid of other children or standoffish with them... he's curious but he usually just observes them and does his own thing instead of actually playing WITH them. Keith and I have had a desire for a long time for Jonathan to have the opportunity to have friends his own age. He's a pretty social little guy, but he's just never really interacted much with other children. Since being at Arbor, he's begun to grow by leaps and bounds in his speech, but also in his socialization skills. Praise!
Ok, back to yesterday. After the Egg Hunt at church, we went to the home of some friends from church. They live on Lake Martin and have 4 children. Their back yard has a huge trampolene and large area that they use for an above-ground pool during the summer, but right now it's just a bare spot of dirt and sand surrounded by keystones. And their water hose stretches all the way to this barren spot of land. Do you see where this is leading?
Yep. Jonathan and their two youngest boys decided to have a little fun on the barren spot with the water hose and a child-size excavator. They dug big holes, filled them up with water, and proceeded to jump in them, splash them on one another, spread mud on one another and basically become three walking, giggling, wet, mud-blobs with legs. My initial reaction of "Oh no! Don't get dirty!" was quickly replaced by joy and thankfulness at watching Jonathan interact with them. He was stomping and splashing and laughing and imitating them like I've never seen him do before. After a while, they decided to turn the water hose on the trampolene and then jump on it after it had a good soaking. Jonathan is not used to unsteady ground, so one jump from Tillman or Macon and Jonathan's little fee would slip right out from under him and he'd fall flat on the trampolene, then just laugh as they bounced him. When jumping would get old, they'd head back to the mud pit. They played out there for hours and I finally had to make him come out of the mud so I could strip him down and bathe him before we could come home!
So, I guess dirt can be a good thing. When it brings such joy to such a cute little boy and provides him a way to begin interacting with other children it's not half bad. In fact, it made me smile and laugh and it made my heart sing with joy. God never ceases to amaze me at what He uses to bless me. Yesterday it was a huge mud puddle and I'm so thankful.
Now, first of all, you need to understand something about our son, Jonathan. Because of health issues, he couldn't be around other children for his first two years of life. Then, until recently, he simply hasn't had much opportunity to be around other children on a regular basis. Jonathan is not afraid of other children or standoffish with them... he's curious but he usually just observes them and does his own thing instead of actually playing WITH them. Keith and I have had a desire for a long time for Jonathan to have the opportunity to have friends his own age. He's a pretty social little guy, but he's just never really interacted much with other children. Since being at Arbor, he's begun to grow by leaps and bounds in his speech, but also in his socialization skills. Praise!
Ok, back to yesterday. After the Egg Hunt at church, we went to the home of some friends from church. They live on Lake Martin and have 4 children. Their back yard has a huge trampolene and large area that they use for an above-ground pool during the summer, but right now it's just a bare spot of dirt and sand surrounded by keystones. And their water hose stretches all the way to this barren spot of land. Do you see where this is leading?
Yep. Jonathan and their two youngest boys decided to have a little fun on the barren spot with the water hose and a child-size excavator. They dug big holes, filled them up with water, and proceeded to jump in them, splash them on one another, spread mud on one another and basically become three walking, giggling, wet, mud-blobs with legs. My initial reaction of "Oh no! Don't get dirty!" was quickly replaced by joy and thankfulness at watching Jonathan interact with them. He was stomping and splashing and laughing and imitating them like I've never seen him do before. After a while, they decided to turn the water hose on the trampolene and then jump on it after it had a good soaking. Jonathan is not used to unsteady ground, so one jump from Tillman or Macon and Jonathan's little fee would slip right out from under him and he'd fall flat on the trampolene, then just laugh as they bounced him. When jumping would get old, they'd head back to the mud pit. They played out there for hours and I finally had to make him come out of the mud so I could strip him down and bathe him before we could come home!
So, I guess dirt can be a good thing. When it brings such joy to such a cute little boy and provides him a way to begin interacting with other children it's not half bad. In fact, it made me smile and laugh and it made my heart sing with joy. God never ceases to amaze me at what He uses to bless me. Yesterday it was a huge mud puddle and I'm so thankful.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Adjusting
I know it's been a while since I last posted. Honestly, life has been so busy that I've just not had time to sit down at the computer. So much has been going on!
Jonathan has started talking in sentences. I'm not always sure what the entire sentence is, but he's putting words together now, which is huge! He babble/talks constantly now, which is great. His speech therapist did some further testing last week and this week we should get a new plan of attack to overcome his apraxia.
Keith moved into the office at Arbor Baptist and is so excited to (for the first time ever) be able to have all of his books out where he can see them all at once. Our shelf space at home was limited, so he only had the most important, most used books unpacked and everything else was in boxes in the storage closet. Now, he's surrounded by them! I'm looking forward to "decorating" the one wall without shelves, and putting a tiny bit of my touch in his office. (I'm not sure why that's important, but it just is!) Things are going well at the church. We truly love it at Arbor! The people are so kind and loving, and we are so excited to see what God will do in the days to come. So many have expressed a desire to see the "fire from Heaven" and that is what we pray for... that God would just push us out of the way and allow us to see Him work in a might way, whatever that may be.
With Keith being the pastor, we have had major schedule changes here at home. Sundays are great, but long right now. Because the commute is about 40 minutes to the church, we pack up the van on Saturday evening and just camp out at the church all day on Sunday. I was amazed that Jonathan actually took about a 2-hour nap there- but thankful! I actually enjoyed the quiet time to think and pray and crochet. At home, I feel like I have to take advantage of every minute to clean something or cook something or do some laundry or one of the other endless tasks of life. At church, there's none of that... just quiet, which is good. The rest of the week has been very full, too. Jonathan has adjusted better than I thought, though I can tell he's really missing his time with Daddy and is more clingy to me when I'm around. He loves spending time with MeMe and Pop on Mondays and Bessie on Tuesdays and Thursdays... but his routine is different and will take some adjusting to. Still, I am SO thankful that we have such wonderful caretakers for him and that we are able to keep him at home.
I turned in my resignation letter at work Monday, and was oddly a little emotional about it. I've been at the same company for 14 1/2 years now and seen it grow and change a LOT over the years. I'm thankful to have worked with such great people for so long and it will seem odd (for a few days) to not be there. For so long now I have ached for the day that I could retire and be at home. I am so thankful to have that opportunity now! I'm counting down the days till June 30 when that will become a reality!
We are in the process of shopping for health insurance. I was excited about Individual Blue for a while, until I read about their 365-day waiting period for any condition or symptom you've been diagnosed with, treated for, etc in the past 2 years, even if you've had prior coverage with no lapse. -And there's no maternity coverage whatsoever for 365 days. Basically, they just want to collect premiums on people they won't have to fork out any money on. (Yes, I am a little bitter about it!) So, I've got to pour over the SBC options and search the web this weekend to see what else is available. It just shouldn't be so expensive to be insured when you don't work for a large company.
So, we're adjusting. Life is good, but not easy right now. We knew it wouldn't be until everything was settled with our transition. It's ok though. God has it all under control, even when I feel like hyperventilating, and He can handle it! There's a light at the end of the tunnel. We have a wonderful church home. Keith's joy in finally doing what God has gifted and called him to do delights me. Jonathan's clingy-ness equals lots of hugs for me. God is good ALL the time!
Jonathan has started talking in sentences. I'm not always sure what the entire sentence is, but he's putting words together now, which is huge! He babble/talks constantly now, which is great. His speech therapist did some further testing last week and this week we should get a new plan of attack to overcome his apraxia.
Keith moved into the office at Arbor Baptist and is so excited to (for the first time ever) be able to have all of his books out where he can see them all at once. Our shelf space at home was limited, so he only had the most important, most used books unpacked and everything else was in boxes in the storage closet. Now, he's surrounded by them! I'm looking forward to "decorating" the one wall without shelves, and putting a tiny bit of my touch in his office. (I'm not sure why that's important, but it just is!) Things are going well at the church. We truly love it at Arbor! The people are so kind and loving, and we are so excited to see what God will do in the days to come. So many have expressed a desire to see the "fire from Heaven" and that is what we pray for... that God would just push us out of the way and allow us to see Him work in a might way, whatever that may be.
With Keith being the pastor, we have had major schedule changes here at home. Sundays are great, but long right now. Because the commute is about 40 minutes to the church, we pack up the van on Saturday evening and just camp out at the church all day on Sunday. I was amazed that Jonathan actually took about a 2-hour nap there- but thankful! I actually enjoyed the quiet time to think and pray and crochet. At home, I feel like I have to take advantage of every minute to clean something or cook something or do some laundry or one of the other endless tasks of life. At church, there's none of that... just quiet, which is good. The rest of the week has been very full, too. Jonathan has adjusted better than I thought, though I can tell he's really missing his time with Daddy and is more clingy to me when I'm around. He loves spending time with MeMe and Pop on Mondays and Bessie on Tuesdays and Thursdays... but his routine is different and will take some adjusting to. Still, I am SO thankful that we have such wonderful caretakers for him and that we are able to keep him at home.
I turned in my resignation letter at work Monday, and was oddly a little emotional about it. I've been at the same company for 14 1/2 years now and seen it grow and change a LOT over the years. I'm thankful to have worked with such great people for so long and it will seem odd (for a few days) to not be there. For so long now I have ached for the day that I could retire and be at home. I am so thankful to have that opportunity now! I'm counting down the days till June 30 when that will become a reality!
We are in the process of shopping for health insurance. I was excited about Individual Blue for a while, until I read about their 365-day waiting period for any condition or symptom you've been diagnosed with, treated for, etc in the past 2 years, even if you've had prior coverage with no lapse. -And there's no maternity coverage whatsoever for 365 days. Basically, they just want to collect premiums on people they won't have to fork out any money on. (Yes, I am a little bitter about it!) So, I've got to pour over the SBC options and search the web this weekend to see what else is available. It just shouldn't be so expensive to be insured when you don't work for a large company.
So, we're adjusting. Life is good, but not easy right now. We knew it wouldn't be until everything was settled with our transition. It's ok though. God has it all under control, even when I feel like hyperventilating, and He can handle it! There's a light at the end of the tunnel. We have a wonderful church home. Keith's joy in finally doing what God has gifted and called him to do delights me. Jonathan's clingy-ness equals lots of hugs for me. God is good ALL the time!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
"It's either the beginning or the end."
This weekend has been monumental in the life of the Rays. Last night we shared a covered-dish meal with the folks at Arbor Baptist Church and then had a Q&A where we told them our stories and invited them to ask any questions they wanted to about us. The food was unbelievable, and in great abundance!
This morning, Keith preached on Psalm 23. We all think we know this passage, but there is so much more there than we can even imagine! I'm not sure I've ever heard him preach like that. God's word opened and explained brought tears to my eyes and made me breathless at times. I am so thankful to know the Good Shepherd... so thankful that He not only cares for me but calls me His! I was also blessed by having Jonathan in worship with us this morning. The children come in for the beginning of the service and leave for Children's Worship after the Children's Moment. This was his first time in "big church" and he did a really great job! I loved watching him sit, spellbound, as he listed to the music. And I cried when he walked right up to Bro. Norris during the message and nodded to all that he was saying about God's love for us, pointed to himself when asked "Who wants to pray this morning." Oh what a blessing!
After the service, the three of us went back to the office to await the results of the church vote. As we sat down, Keith looked at me and said, "Well, this is either the beginning or the end." Thankfully, it is the beginning! Arbor voted to call Keith as their pastor! We are so humbled, excited, thankful, overjoyed... there aren't word to describe how we feel right now! Keith will spend this week moving into and setting up his office. We felt it best to allow their Interim Pastor the chance to have his last moment with them without us there this evening, but we will be there as pastor and family beginning next Sunday. This is a blessing beyond our imagination. I just want to laugh and cry all at once! Thank-you Lord!
This morning, Keith preached on Psalm 23. We all think we know this passage, but there is so much more there than we can even imagine! I'm not sure I've ever heard him preach like that. God's word opened and explained brought tears to my eyes and made me breathless at times. I am so thankful to know the Good Shepherd... so thankful that He not only cares for me but calls me His! I was also blessed by having Jonathan in worship with us this morning. The children come in for the beginning of the service and leave for Children's Worship after the Children's Moment. This was his first time in "big church" and he did a really great job! I loved watching him sit, spellbound, as he listed to the music. And I cried when he walked right up to Bro. Norris during the message and nodded to all that he was saying about God's love for us, pointed to himself when asked "Who wants to pray this morning." Oh what a blessing!
After the service, the three of us went back to the office to await the results of the church vote. As we sat down, Keith looked at me and said, "Well, this is either the beginning or the end." Thankfully, it is the beginning! Arbor voted to call Keith as their pastor! We are so humbled, excited, thankful, overjoyed... there aren't word to describe how we feel right now! Keith will spend this week moving into and setting up his office. We felt it best to allow their Interim Pastor the chance to have his last moment with them without us there this evening, but we will be there as pastor and family beginning next Sunday. This is a blessing beyond our imagination. I just want to laugh and cry all at once! Thank-you Lord!
Friday, March 11, 2011
When It Rains, It Pours
This week, that statement has been soooo true in Birmingham, AL. It rained ALL night and ALL day the following day on Tuesday. There are still literally rivers of water running down our driveway to prove it!
This year, that statement has been very true in the life of our family. The biggest downpour has been in our family's future. At the end of last summer, Keith sent resumes to churches and associations in every state in the southeast. We began to hear from some almost immediately, but then it came to a screeching halt over the holidays. Once January hit, we began to hear from several churches a week, it seemed like, that wanted to know if they could check his references or get a DVD or wanted to meet with us. That has all been such an encouragement. The really exciting part is that this Sunday, a church will vote on bringing Keith as their pastor! We are so excited! After meeting with the search committee about a month ago, Keith preached morning and evening services there last week. Tomorrow night, we will share a covered dish meal with them and then they will get to ask us questions to get to know us better. Sunday, Keith will preach the morning service and then the congregation will vote.
This is huge for our family! It means that Keith will finally be able to do what God has gifted and called him to do. It means that we will finally feel like we have a real church home for the first time in a long time. It will also allow me to quit work in a few months and be a stay-at-home Mommy--my lifelong career goal! Keith and I have felt for a long time that we are in the "wrong" role. He has been the stay-at-home-Dad, while I went to the office and worked all day. This is not what we wanted, but was necessary because of insurance concerns and Jonathan's health. It will be such a blessing to be able to be home with Jonathan during the day and do the things I feel like I'm called to do. I know a lot of women abhor the June Cleaver model of wife and mother, but I can't wait!
God continues to rain down blessings. I told Keith last Sunday afternoon that I guess I've been underestimating God. I kind of figured that, when we were called to a church, it would be smaller than we're comfortable in, with a mostly non-existent music and children's ministry, etc, etc. This church is "exceedingly, abundantly more" than I even imagined. When I saw all the children, and learned that they are diligent to teach even the younger ones about the Gospel...when I heard the choir sing and the pianist play... when I saw how usable the facilities are... when experienced how friendly and genuine the people are... my reaction was, "Seriously, God?!? You would give us all that as a bonus?"
There have been other showers of blessings this year. Jonathan turned 3! This is totally amazing, considering how little and premature he was when he came into the world. He continues to be a blessing to us. -And he's recently made great progress with his speech. We still have a long way to go, but the progress is so encouraging.
We've also decided to adopt. We've always wanted more children and still pray that God will bless us with another biological child. But, not long after the earthquake last year in Haiti, God began to work on our hearts about adopting internationally. We've talked and prayed about it for almost a year, and finally talked to a local adoption agency to get some questions answered. We feel that one way God wants to further the Gospel is to increase our family with hopefully two children from Haiti. It will be a long, faith-filled journey, but we are so excited to begin it once things are settled with being at a church.
There are other blessings along the way... too many to count. Usually, we think of all the bad stuff that happens when we say "When it rains, it pours," but sometimes it is how God pours out His blessings on us... in showers that just keep coming, leaving us refreshed and encouraged.
This year, that statement has been very true in the life of our family. The biggest downpour has been in our family's future. At the end of last summer, Keith sent resumes to churches and associations in every state in the southeast. We began to hear from some almost immediately, but then it came to a screeching halt over the holidays. Once January hit, we began to hear from several churches a week, it seemed like, that wanted to know if they could check his references or get a DVD or wanted to meet with us. That has all been such an encouragement. The really exciting part is that this Sunday, a church will vote on bringing Keith as their pastor! We are so excited! After meeting with the search committee about a month ago, Keith preached morning and evening services there last week. Tomorrow night, we will share a covered dish meal with them and then they will get to ask us questions to get to know us better. Sunday, Keith will preach the morning service and then the congregation will vote.
This is huge for our family! It means that Keith will finally be able to do what God has gifted and called him to do. It means that we will finally feel like we have a real church home for the first time in a long time. It will also allow me to quit work in a few months and be a stay-at-home Mommy--my lifelong career goal! Keith and I have felt for a long time that we are in the "wrong" role. He has been the stay-at-home-Dad, while I went to the office and worked all day. This is not what we wanted, but was necessary because of insurance concerns and Jonathan's health. It will be such a blessing to be able to be home with Jonathan during the day and do the things I feel like I'm called to do. I know a lot of women abhor the June Cleaver model of wife and mother, but I can't wait!
God continues to rain down blessings. I told Keith last Sunday afternoon that I guess I've been underestimating God. I kind of figured that, when we were called to a church, it would be smaller than we're comfortable in, with a mostly non-existent music and children's ministry, etc, etc. This church is "exceedingly, abundantly more" than I even imagined. When I saw all the children, and learned that they are diligent to teach even the younger ones about the Gospel...when I heard the choir sing and the pianist play... when I saw how usable the facilities are... when experienced how friendly and genuine the people are... my reaction was, "Seriously, God?!? You would give us all that as a bonus?"
There have been other showers of blessings this year. Jonathan turned 3! This is totally amazing, considering how little and premature he was when he came into the world. He continues to be a blessing to us. -And he's recently made great progress with his speech. We still have a long way to go, but the progress is so encouraging.
We've also decided to adopt. We've always wanted more children and still pray that God will bless us with another biological child. But, not long after the earthquake last year in Haiti, God began to work on our hearts about adopting internationally. We've talked and prayed about it for almost a year, and finally talked to a local adoption agency to get some questions answered. We feel that one way God wants to further the Gospel is to increase our family with hopefully two children from Haiti. It will be a long, faith-filled journey, but we are so excited to begin it once things are settled with being at a church.
There are other blessings along the way... too many to count. Usually, we think of all the bad stuff that happens when we say "When it rains, it pours," but sometimes it is how God pours out His blessings on us... in showers that just keep coming, leaving us refreshed and encouraged.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Romans 8:26-27 Lived Out
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying..."Every night, before Jonathan goes to bed, Keith and I read a few verses of Scripture with him from his "God Promises" book and pray with him. There are several special people in his life that we pray for every night by name. If we leave someone out, he will remind us once we say "Amen" and we will have to stop and pray for that person. On Christmas Eve, he began praying by repeating the names of people Keith uttered prayer for. Now, when it's time to pray before a meal or especially at night he quickly says "I-me!" and points to himself, meaning HE wants to pray.
Now you have to remember that A) he is not even 3 years old yet, and B) he has a huge speech delay and has only recently begun saying meaningful sounds and forming words. It is a beautiful thing for us to hear him say any word... but to hear him talk to God is the most amazing blessing! When he prays, he squeezes his eyes shut and buries his head in our arms. He speaks quietly and his little voice takes on a whole different sound. He makes little sighs and grunts and murmurs that we cannot understand, and then will occasionally say the name of a loved one very quietly. When he's done, he'll raise his head and say "A" or "Meh" for amen. When we open our eyes, he's grinning from ear to ear and looking at us expectantly.
Most nights, it brings tears of joy and gratitude to my eyes. Each night, I think of Romans 8:26...we don't know what we should pray for or how we should pray...the Holy Spirit prays for us with moanings and groanings that cannot be expressed in words...and the Father that knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying. Listening to Jonathan pray illustrates these verses to me. He doesn't know how to pray... He cannot always express himself in words so he just sighs and grunts and murmurs as he prays, just like the Spirit intercedes for us when we have no words...and I believe our Heavenly Father knows exactly what that sweet 2-year-old is saying.
Tonight, his prayer was something like this (translation in parenthesis.) "Ah (God)....unh...sigh...I-ya (Daddy)...hmmm...Ma-ma...sigh...hmmm...Meh (Miss Mel)...smack...uh...Me-Me (Keith's mom-MeMe)...A! (Amen!) It is humbling to hear your 2-year-old pray for you by name, but even more humbling to think that the Holy Spirit prays for us by name all the time.
Monday, January 31, 2011
I survived!-But then maybe it's not ALL about me...
The weekend is over, and Keith's theory that Jonathan and I can survive a night apart has proved true. -Although I cried like a baby when MeMe and Pop drove off with him, and almost cried both nights when I didn't get to talk to him before he went to bed. His face and that hug when he saw me Sunday evening was priceless! -And I have to admit that I did enjoy spending time with my husband without worrying about getting home to relieve a babysitter.
Friday night, after I sobbed for a while, Keith and I went out to dinner, just the two of us. Then we came home, watched Friday Night Lights that he'd recorded, packed, and went to bed. We pulled out of the driveway at 6:52 Saturday morning and headed out of town to a church that had contacted him about possibly coming to be their pastor. Once we arrived, we were given quite a tour of everything in town and in nearby areas, as well as the church and pastorium. They were sweet people and we enjoyed getting to know them. Sunday morning, Keith preached and then the Pastor Search Committee took us to lunch where we were able to talk more.
After lunch, Keith and I got back in the van and started out on the long drive home. After much discussion, we both agreed that we did not feel like that was the place God had for us. There was nothing wrong with the church or the town or anything... we just didn't feel like a good fit. We both felt this way Saturday night, but just received further confirmation on Sunday, though the congregation seemed to appreciate the message Keith brought and the committee expressed a desire to present us to the church.
I began to wonder why we went. The entire trip seemed a bit pointless...until Keith spoke to the head of the search committee tonight. He explained that, though this was a great opportunity for someone, we did not feel that the Lord intended it to be for us. The committee member he was speaking with expressed disappointment at our decision, but then asked if he had any suggestions for them as they continued their search. Keith was able to share some concerns and suggestions that could possibly make a difference for this church. That was when I began to see that this trip wasn't so much about us... it was probably more about that church. Lord, help me to be less self-centered and more focused on you...willing to go where you lead no matter why you lead me there. Forgive me for always thinking it's all about me and give me a heart first for you and then for others.
Friday night, after I sobbed for a while, Keith and I went out to dinner, just the two of us. Then we came home, watched Friday Night Lights that he'd recorded, packed, and went to bed. We pulled out of the driveway at 6:52 Saturday morning and headed out of town to a church that had contacted him about possibly coming to be their pastor. Once we arrived, we were given quite a tour of everything in town and in nearby areas, as well as the church and pastorium. They were sweet people and we enjoyed getting to know them. Sunday morning, Keith preached and then the Pastor Search Committee took us to lunch where we were able to talk more.
After lunch, Keith and I got back in the van and started out on the long drive home. After much discussion, we both agreed that we did not feel like that was the place God had for us. There was nothing wrong with the church or the town or anything... we just didn't feel like a good fit. We both felt this way Saturday night, but just received further confirmation on Sunday, though the congregation seemed to appreciate the message Keith brought and the committee expressed a desire to present us to the church.
I began to wonder why we went. The entire trip seemed a bit pointless...until Keith spoke to the head of the search committee tonight. He explained that, though this was a great opportunity for someone, we did not feel that the Lord intended it to be for us. The committee member he was speaking with expressed disappointment at our decision, but then asked if he had any suggestions for them as they continued their search. Keith was able to share some concerns and suggestions that could possibly make a difference for this church. That was when I began to see that this trip wasn't so much about us... it was probably more about that church. Lord, help me to be less self-centered and more focused on you...willing to go where you lead no matter why you lead me there. Forgive me for always thinking it's all about me and give me a heart first for you and then for others.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
In a Frenzy
It's been one of those weeks for me. There's been so much going on, so much to pray and think about, so much to do that my brain right now is having a really hard time functioning correctly. Keith turned to me yesterday at one point and said, "You're in a bit of a frenzy right now, aren't you?" and I SOOOO was! I was sitting still at the time, but my mind was going 100-miles-an-hour with thoughts bouncing around randomly like a tennis ball court full of balls bouncing in every direction at once.
Here are some of the tennis ball thoughts that were bouncing around:
The really cool thing about having one of those weeks and having your brain in a total frenzy is knowing that Christ is sufficient. I don't have to have all the answers because Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells us that "I (God) know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you... plans to give you hope and a future. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek with all of your heart." (That may not be an exact quote, but it's the part that keeps playing over and over in my heart.) So, I guess I should stop trying so hard to figure it all out and just seek God.
Here are some of the tennis ball thoughts that were bouncing around:
- Jonathan is coming down with something, and I'm not sure what, and not sure if I need to take him to the doctor or not. He's just not acting himself... little to no appetite for about 2 days, tired and today a little glassy-eyed, maybe a low-grade fever, periodic cough, clingy... I hate not knowing what's going on with him and really wish I could hook him up to some sort of diagnostic machine just like they do my car at Auto Zone.
- I'm so far behind at work that I'm not sure if I'll ever catch up. Between my usual state of being slightly behind on things because of my normal work-load, I've been out for a week for the holidays, then was out a lot the next week because of our office being closed for snow... There's just a lot going on right now and I hate being behind!
- As of Monday, Keith and I have made the decision to travel out of state next weekend to interview and preach at a church that has contacted us. There are SOOOO many unknowns about that entire situation that it's really freaking me out right now. I know God can and will work everything out, whether we move or not, but I don't know how that's all going to work out right now and the planner in me is miserable! The other thing that's got me on edge about the trip is that we are not taking Jonathan. He will be staying with MeMe and Pop. I KNOW he will have a great time and that they will take great care of him... it's just that it will be the first time since we brought him home that he's spent the night away from us. I LOVE our evening routine of play, bath, devotional, prayers, and nite-nite hugs and kisses and I LOVE being the one to open his door and see him as he's waking up in the morning.
- Keith and I have been praying for almost a year now about doing an International Adoption. We met with an adoption agency yesterday to get some questions answered and have decided to go ahead with the process, once we know more about the situation with the church I just wrote about. The whole thing is SOOOO exciting! -and scary! -and overwhelming!
- I need to clean house and plan meals for this week, and my mind is totally not into it right now.
The really cool thing about having one of those weeks and having your brain in a total frenzy is knowing that Christ is sufficient. I don't have to have all the answers because Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells us that "I (God) know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you... plans to give you hope and a future. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek with all of your heart." (That may not be an exact quote, but it's the part that keeps playing over and over in my heart.) So, I guess I should stop trying so hard to figure it all out and just seek God.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Baking Bread
Keith and I have only eaten out once this year, and that was because we'd just returned from being out of town. For some folks, that's no big deal...but we had gotten to where we ate out way too much. It was a matter of poor planning and convenience because I love to cook. I would just be too exhausted after working all day to cook and clean up from it... and sometimes I would be too exhausted to even think of something to make. We threw away way too many groceries because we didn't pay attention and they would spoil.
So, this year I started with a plan. I made a list (that grows constantly) of things I cook that we like to eat. It's divided into Main Dishes and Sides so I can easily mix and match. Having that list is a HUGE help because I don't have to think of things to cook and can even plan our meals so that leftover ingredients can often be re-purposed. We were blessed to receive a lot of venison on Christmas Even, which prompted us to clean out and organize our enormous deep freeze. Now I know what I have and can easily find items to cook.
I've also discovered the joy of baking my own bread. It's a wonderful way to involve Jonathan in cooking. He loves to help with the dough! Mostly, he beats it to death or pinches the dickens out of it, but we have fun. Kneading the dough is lots of fun and so relaxing! The smell of bread baking makes the house smell so wonderful and homey... and it tastes WAY better than a loaf at the store. I have a great French Bread recipe and today am making my own hamburger and hot dog buns. Sometimes I use my bread machine... sometimes I use the mixer and knead it by hand but either way it's delightful and VERY economical!
With meal-planning comes very careful grocery-list-making. I started couponing (thanks Michelle!) about a year ago and saw a big difference in our grocery bill. Now I've attacked it with renewed fervor. I'm also trying to be very purposeful about stocking up on items I know I'll use when they are their cheapest. It's been so wonderful these last few weeks to have plenty in my pantry to make a meal from. I have yet to spend $12 and save $112 like some of my friends, but I have realized that I don't buy a lot of the things that come on sale and have coupons. -And I'll save more by buying what I need and what we use than just buying because it's on sale and I have a coupon.
I know this is old hat for many of you, but it's kind of my own personal challenge for 2011. I want to see how long we can go without eating out, how much variety I can create in our dinners, how many new things I can learn to make. I love cooking and Keith usually cleans up the kitchen after dinner so it's been great! Jonathan eats better when we eat at home and Keith and I feel more satisfied and less yucky from eating out.
So, this year I started with a plan. I made a list (that grows constantly) of things I cook that we like to eat. It's divided into Main Dishes and Sides so I can easily mix and match. Having that list is a HUGE help because I don't have to think of things to cook and can even plan our meals so that leftover ingredients can often be re-purposed. We were blessed to receive a lot of venison on Christmas Even, which prompted us to clean out and organize our enormous deep freeze. Now I know what I have and can easily find items to cook.
I've also discovered the joy of baking my own bread. It's a wonderful way to involve Jonathan in cooking. He loves to help with the dough! Mostly, he beats it to death or pinches the dickens out of it, but we have fun. Kneading the dough is lots of fun and so relaxing! The smell of bread baking makes the house smell so wonderful and homey... and it tastes WAY better than a loaf at the store. I have a great French Bread recipe and today am making my own hamburger and hot dog buns. Sometimes I use my bread machine... sometimes I use the mixer and knead it by hand but either way it's delightful and VERY economical!
With meal-planning comes very careful grocery-list-making. I started couponing (thanks Michelle!) about a year ago and saw a big difference in our grocery bill. Now I've attacked it with renewed fervor. I'm also trying to be very purposeful about stocking up on items I know I'll use when they are their cheapest. It's been so wonderful these last few weeks to have plenty in my pantry to make a meal from. I have yet to spend $12 and save $112 like some of my friends, but I have realized that I don't buy a lot of the things that come on sale and have coupons. -And I'll save more by buying what I need and what we use than just buying because it's on sale and I have a coupon.
I know this is old hat for many of you, but it's kind of my own personal challenge for 2011. I want to see how long we can go without eating out, how much variety I can create in our dinners, how many new things I can learn to make. I love cooking and Keith usually cleans up the kitchen after dinner so it's been great! Jonathan eats better when we eat at home and Keith and I feel more satisfied and less yucky from eating out.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Tiny Moments
You may not know this, but I LOVE being a mom. I've ALWAYS wanted to be a wife and mother. When I was little, I made sure that my baby dolls all had names, fresh clothes each day, and were properly fed, rocked, and tucked into their beds. I loved playing house and pretending I had a husband. Ten and a half years ago, God blessed me with a husband that FAR exceeds any of my expectations... a Godly man that I love more than I can express and enjoy being with even if it's just breathing in the same room together. Almost three years ago, God blessed me with a son, who I think is about the most amazing little boy on the face of the earth. We tried for about four years to have him, and lost three other precious babies along the way. Then, he came into this world 15 weeks early and spent 105 days in the NICU before we could bring him home. So, I have kind of a different perspective than some parents do about their children. I cherish every moment with him, even the moments when he's whiny or I don't feel good or we're both tired and irritable...
But there are some moments along the way that are even more precious. When Scripture tells us that "Mary took all these things and hid them in her heart," I think that some of the things she hid in her heart were those tiny moments with her Son... little things that made her heart swell or melt or break. It's moments you never forget... moments you can still smell and feel. Here are some of my tiny moments with Jonathan:
But there are some moments along the way that are even more precious. When Scripture tells us that "Mary took all these things and hid them in her heart," I think that some of the things she hid in her heart were those tiny moments with her Son... little things that made her heart swell or melt or break. It's moments you never forget... moments you can still smell and feel. Here are some of my tiny moments with Jonathan:
- The first day I held him. He was slightly over a month old, and it was the day before he got off the ventilator permanently. He wore the tiniest lime-green crochet hat you've ever seen and was wrapped in so many flannel receiving blankets I could barely see his sweet little face. He weighed almost nothing and I was scared to move because of all of his wires and tubes and hoses... but I laughed and cried and drank in the feel of FINALLY holding that precious gift of God. That was also the first day I kissed him-I mean the first time I was ever able to put my lips on his soft warm skin. It was right after I held him, as he lay in his favorite position on his tummy, right before they lowered the lid of his isolette... I kissed him right between his shoulder blades. Next to my first kiss from Keith, it was the sweetest kiss I'd ever had.
- Now Jonathan is almost 3 and I get kisses a lot-sometimes stolen and sometimes freely given-but I never get tired of them. Wednesday I had to go back to work after being off for a week. (Yes, a bit emotional for me.) I was dressing Jonathan before I left for work and he leaned over, totally unprompted, brushed my hair away from my cheek with his sweet little hand and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was so unexpected, so tender, so sweet... I melted and got teary.
- Christmas Eve Jonathan began praying with us. For a long time now, Keith and I do a group hug with him before bed and pray. Jonathan used to just tell us who he wanted to pray for before we started. Christmas Even night we did our group hug (with my dad, Grandpa, who was spending a few days with us) and Keith began to pray. When he started saying people's names, Jonathan began repeating them, just as if he too were offering up a prayer for them. He doesn't do it all the time, but I hope it is only the beginning of a continuous life of prayer for him.
- Along with our prayer time, we have started a new devotional with Jonathan before bed. It was given to us by a sweet friend (thanks Eddie!) and each page starts out "God always..." then completes the phrase like "answers me" "blesses me" "comforts me" etc. Each page has several verses that give the promise. The first night we started it, Keith opened it up and said "God always answers me" and Jonathan leaned over to him, looked him in the eye and started babbling something just like he was commenting on the fact that God always answers us. He was so interested and attentive... I pray he continues to love God's Word and believe it and live it!
- Cooking with Jonathan. This is a fairly new experience. Keith gave me a kitchen island for Christmas and I LOVE it! -Mostly because it enables Jonathan to stand on a stool on the other side of it and watch me or participate in what I'm doing. This morning, we made French Bread and Pizza Dough from scratch. He handed me measuring spoons, we read the recipes together, and then we kneaded the dough. He was a little leary at first of getting his hands in the dough. -But once I assured him it was ok, he was all about it! He loved getting the flour everywhere
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Beginning
A few months ago, in anticipation of some major changes in our lives, I created a list. It's a sort of "bucket-list," although probably nothing on it is terribly adventurous or amazing to anyone but me. It's simple things I want to do "some day," like learning to sew, and scrapbooking, and yes-you guessed it-starting my own blog. It's something I've actually thought about for several years and just never put the time into figuring out how to do. -That and the fact that my husband is the writer/speaker in our family and I figured I don't really have much to share that anyone else would want to read. But, I've decided to let 2011 be a year for doing things instead of wishing for life to change "one day." I want it to be a year of "blooming where I'm planted" instead of always wanting circumstances to change. So, here you go...
I don't promise to blog every day or say anything profound... I just promise to try to be honest, to share what's on my mind and in my heart. I'm constantly, often painfully, being shaped and changed by God. He takes all of my broken pieces and somehow makes it into a vessel only He can use. Hopefully, you will see some of those changes as this blog progresses. I know you will see the cracks and chips and other imperfections.
I don't promise to blog every day or say anything profound... I just promise to try to be honest, to share what's on my mind and in my heart. I'm constantly, often painfully, being shaped and changed by God. He takes all of my broken pieces and somehow makes it into a vessel only He can use. Hopefully, you will see some of those changes as this blog progresses. I know you will see the cracks and chips and other imperfections.
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