Tiny Moments

You may not know this, but I LOVE being a mom.  I've ALWAYS wanted to be a wife and mother.  When I was little, I made sure that my baby dolls all had names, fresh clothes each day, and were properly fed, rocked, and tucked into their beds.  I loved playing house and pretending I had a husband.  Ten and a half years ago, God blessed me with a husband that FAR exceeds any of my expectations... a Godly man that I love more than I can express and enjoy being with even if it's just breathing in the same room together.  Almost three years ago, God blessed me with a son, who I think is about the most amazing little boy on the face of the earth.  We tried for about four years to have him, and lost three other precious babies along the way.  Then, he came into this world 15 weeks early and spent 105 days in the NICU before we could bring him home.  So, I have kind of a different perspective than some parents do about their children.  I cherish every moment with him, even the moments when he's whiny or I don't feel good or we're both tired and irritable...

But there are some moments along the way that are even more precious.  When Scripture tells us that "Mary took all these things and hid them in her heart," I think that some of the things she hid in her heart were those tiny moments with her Son... little things that made her heart swell or melt or break.  It's moments you never forget... moments you can still smell and feel.  Here are some of my tiny moments with Jonathan:

1. The first day I held him.  He was slightly over a month old, and it was the day before he got off the ventilator permanently.  He wore the tiniest lime-green crochet hat you've ever seen and was wrapped in so many flannel receiving blankets I could barely see his sweet little face.  He weighed almost nothing and I was scared to move because of all of his wires and tubes and hoses... but I laughed and cried and drank in the feel of FINALLY holding that precious gift of God.  That was also the first day I kissed him-I mean the first time I was ever able to put my lips on his soft warm skin.  It was right after I held him, as he lay in his favorite position on his tummy, right before they lowered the lid of his isolette... I kissed him right between his shoulder blades.  Next to my first kiss from Keith, it was the sweetest kiss I'd ever had.
2. Now Jonathan is almost 3 and I get kisses a lot-sometimes stolen and sometimes freely given-but I never get tired of them.  Wednesday I had to go back to work after being off for a week.  (Yes, a bit emotional for me.)  I was dressing Jonathan before I left for work and he leaned over, totally unprompted, brushed my hair away from my cheek with his sweet little hand and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  It was so unexpected, so tender, so sweet... I melted and got teary.  
3. Christmas Eve Jonathan began praying with us.  For a long time now, Keith and I do a group hug with him before bed and pray.  Jonathan used to just tell us who he wanted to pray for before we started.  Christmas Even night we did our group hug (with my dad, Grandpa, who was spending a few days with us) and Keith began to pray.  When he started saying people's names, Jonathan began repeating them, just as if he too were offering up a prayer for them.  He doesn't do it all the time, but I hope it is only the beginning of a continuous life of prayer for him.
4. Along with our prayer time, we have started a new devotional with Jonathan before bed.  It was given to us by a sweet friend (thanks Eddie!) and each page starts out "God always..." then completes the phrase like "answers me" "blesses me" "comforts me" etc.  Each page has several verses that give the promise.  The first night we started it, Keith opened it up and said "God always answers me" and Jonathan leaned over to him, looked him in the eye and started babbling something just like he was commenting on the fact that God always answers us.  He was so interested and attentive... I pray he continues to love God's Word and believe it and live it!
5. Cooking with Jonathan.  This is a fairly new experience.  Keith gave me a kitchen island for Christmas and I LOVE it!  -Mostly because it enables Jonathan to stand on a stool on the other side of it and watch me or participate in what I'm doing.  This morning, we made French Bread and Pizza Dough from scratch.  He handed me measuring spoons, we read the recipes together, and then we kneaded the dough.  He was a little leary at first of getting his hands in the dough.  -But once I assured him it was ok, he was all about it!  He loved getting the flour everywhere